last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My Higher Power is John Stamos
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
