Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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