in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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