Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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