so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
