If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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