he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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