It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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