I wannas sexs uuuuu
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
