if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
