i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
