Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
