singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
