Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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