i think my tv is drunk
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
