I wannas sexs uuuuu
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
