I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize