U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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