Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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