i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
