I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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