I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
