Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize