Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
