Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
