he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
