wat bout pragnant strippers??
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
