We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
