she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
