I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When are your genitals available?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
