glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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