You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
