Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
