dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
