why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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