...so i touched it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
