Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's just like the Real World with babies
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
