guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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