i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
