She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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