i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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