...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
