she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
