out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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