She said her name was "party"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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