I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize