How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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