I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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