mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
