either way he was missing a nipple.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
