Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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