Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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