i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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