I wish I could teleport
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
