True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
