loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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