I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
