I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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