I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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