Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
