Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
