I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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