Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
