Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
this boner is exhausting
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
