Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
