Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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