So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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