You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
