Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
