you have to choose: penises or morals?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's shark week go big or go home
is that a dick in a sweater?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
