Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
NoShamevember. You game?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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