worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
