Where did you get a picture of my penis
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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