i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What happened to fro yo and sex?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
