I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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