So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
